STT: Vol. 8 - Meconium Madness: The TMG Prologue

You weren’t supposed to be here.
This was never meant to happen.

Meconium Madness was born in the wreckage of good intentions. It’s the bastard child of poor timing, a new baby, Hawaiian exile, and one group chat that spiraled into something both beautiful and disturbing. This isn’t The TMG Saga—no, that’s still coming. That begins when Brian returns. When the MEAT is back. When the prophecy is fulfilled.

This?
This is the interim psychotic break.

Seven weeks. Five men. One barbell.
TJ, freshly postnatal and spiritually concussed.
Brian, gone to Hawaii, presumably to deadlift on the beach and levitate.
Justin and Jordan, twin chaos demons who’ve been self-programming in the woods like meth-fueled monks.
And Tank, the one lurking in the sleepy shadows of this hormonal circus—

This program isn’t structured. It’s stitched together from late-night diaper hallucinations, glute cramps, and unresolved childhood issues. Every squat session feels like birthing a second child through your sphincter. Bench days will leave your nipples sore from emotional lactation. Deadlifts? You’ll pull like you’re trying to sever your soul from your spine. The vest days? You’ll regret your life. The arm days? You'll question your sanity. And the hack squat circuit? Let’s just say someone's gonna shit.

Every set is designed to walk the line between strength and hysteria. This isn’t about “progressive overload”—this is about surviving long enough to still have delts when Brian comes home. The accessories aren’t just for hypertrophy—they’re for trauma bonding. You’re not curling for the pump. You’re curling because you haven’t emotionally processed the birth of your best friend’s kid and you’ve got nowhere else to put that energy.

This isn’t a fatherhood fitness plan. It’s a barbell baptism in baby poop, sleep deprivation, and fear.

You’ll train 5–7 days per week. 60 minutes. 30 for your main lift. 30 for accessories that don’t care how your knees feel. You’ll use a weighted vest to simulate emotional baggage. You’ll max out in week 7 not because you're ready—but because it’s the only way to end the suffering with dignity.

This is not TMG Vol. 1.
This is the prologue, the pre-saga, the part of the story we look back on and say:

“What the f*** were we doing?”

But you’ll be glad you did it.

Because when the Meat returns, you’ll be hardened. Fermented. Marinated in trauma.
Ready to truly begin.

Welcome to STT Vol. 8 – Meconium Madness: The TMG Prologue.
Now squat, scream, and hold the f*** on.

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Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

Week 7

Rest is dilation. PUSH. You're the mother now.

Squat (Barbell)

The First Blowout

It’s not breastmilk. It’s chest milk. Press until your sternum sobs.

Bench Press (Barbell)

Push Up

Letdown Reflex

Pull like the toilet's haunted and the baby won’t sleep

Deadlift (Barbell)

Pipe Burst Protocol

Curl ‘til you hallucinate baby monitor static.

Overhead Press (Barbell)

Lats & Lactation

No wipes. No dignity. Just reps and regret. 

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